I’m staring at my trash can, it’s funny. It’s clean on the outside, white, without a trace a dirt. But on the inside it’s disgusting and might even have mold growing. How many people are just like that trash can? You look perfect from the outside but you’re a complete wreck on the inside. You don’t know what a person is going through. Just because something looks fine doesn’t mean it’s not on the verge on breaking.

I’m not where i need to be, i know that. Nobody can help me but myself. That’s one reason i am currently single. If i were to be involved with someone it wouldn’t feel right b/c they won’t be getting the real me and i just can’t do that to someone. I’ve lost my way and i know what i must do. It’s just not so easy but it’s not really hard either. I know i can do it and i want to, i’m just scared of facing my mother. I’m ashamed of what i’ve become and i don’t want her to know her son that she’s so proud of is the biggest failure ever. I’m not like my sisters. They made it, they have successful lives and are independent women whom can support themselves. I can’t even make it a week to feed myself without some kind of assistance. Somewhere along the line i died, my mother even noticed and that made me sad. The place where the fire once was is dark and i don’t know when it happened. I just know that it’s no longer lit. I was driving home around 45 minutes ago and i had a sudden urge to drive 30 miles to my mothers house at 5am and just pour my heart out. It’s going to happen sooner or later. I can’t hide the truth much longer. A man leaves to work in a suit and a bright red tie. Nine hours later he arrives home. He’s too ashamed to tell his wife he’s out of work, he’s buying time. I am that person. Time is running out, August is almost here. How long will it take? Does something have to shatter me completely before i can come clean? How did i end up in this mess? I’m falling deeper, faster, longer, further and further into the endless abyss of nothingness. What’s wrong with my wings? I’m completely shrouded in darkness, i can’t see my hands in front of me. I search frantically for my wings. Where are they? WHERE ARE MY WINGS!? They have never failed me; i’ve had them my entire life and i’ve always relied on them. They were huge and powerful, like that of a mighty dragon. So why now? Why have they deserted me? No, they never left, it was i who abandoned them. Flying is for the pure of heart. And by letting myself slip away i’ve corrupted myself and thus hindered my power. In my heart i know what’s true. I will continue to fall until i do what must be done. Only then will they reappear and lead me to safety. Unless i do this i will be forever immersed in darkness; the light calls my name. I may not be able to see it but i can feel it and i know it’s there. When i emerge i will be stronger, like gold purified through the flames. I will use my strength and gift of flight to protect the weak. It’s just my nature, i am a protector of all that are weaker than I and i am glad to help. What do i want? To help others but first i need to get back on track. How can i help the less fortunate if i, myself, am in need of it? I’ve known since a young age what my purpose in life is. This life isn’t about me. I’m here to be a guardian, that’s all i want. That is my biggest dream. That’s why i care deeply about the well being of others. I didn’t always understand it and sometimes i would get so frustrated i would cry. But i’m getting older and i now realize that i must have great compassion for all if i want to be a fortress. Hang on please, i have to defeat my demons before i’m able to be a stronghold of justice. I really do love everyone. The day draws ever nearer, i am that much closer to achieving my goals and fulfilling my destiny. 

Had a 2 v 2 duel and i pwned.

Turn 2: opponent’s mill top 5 of the deck

3: 2500 damage each

Later: 1000 direct

1500 (Player 1) & 500 (Player 2)

2K for Lava golem

Magic cylindered for 2800, Player 1 OUT

Returned Lava golem to my hand, used it on the other guy, minus 4K & a little dark snake syndrome finished the duel. 

Ghost of a grudge saved me. I was like i need to draw this card next turn or i’ma die and i did. That’s some heart of the cards.

My team mate lost right before i took out the 1st guy 

Ok, so long day at work. They called me in right? My boss said i didn’t have to go in my uniform or bring a name tag. Also, he said that he would pay for anything i wanted (referring to food of course). So i was like schway! But then later i found out that i had to be there for 4 more hours than expected. Not so bueno. Good thing is that i had ppl there helping me until my last hour. Ten hours later and i got to go home. I didn’t finish my task but by then it was already too late. I couldn’t continue b/c inventory had started and it would completely throw them off. NEwho, i’m relaxing on the computer after a long day at work. I’m uber tired seeing as i’ve been up about 16 hours. I’m sitting on my bed with my legs on the floor right??? Well, i bring them up so i could sit indian style and it felt good b/c muscles stretching. Ok, and then i was like i should change my socks b/c i was sweating in them for 10 hours and i’m so glad that occurred to me when it did b/c when i picked up my pant leg to take off my sock there was a spider near the top of my sock. Now just because i’m not deathly afraid of spiders doesn’t mean i want the damn things on my body. I took that sock off without giving it an opportunity to reach my skin and decimated it with an empty can of coke. FU spider, suck my cock!
When i was making breakfast i was like better make a bunch so i can eat it all day. I swear that was the best decision of the day, i love me ^^
I have over 800 rare cards and that’s not including the ones i’m keeping (in deck).
If i holo out my spellbook deck i’d have 1 common card b/c it doesn’t exist rare, lame! Everything’s lame!
Dream time with Ed

At some random persons house. It was really big. One room had a ton of old game consoles, it was nice. It’s all fuzzy but a lot of crap happened. People were angry, stuff creeped ppl out, there was a party, i was reorganizing while trying to find something in the pantry, Tia was there, + way more. I went with some chick i recognized across the street. Had a disturbing dream in that dream. Coworker and i hooked up. Wake up at G-ma’s to find some guy dead in the front yard. Went to sleep and when i woke the day had reset itself. So i went outside and saw a rusty old car in the front yard. I kept my distance. I could see someone or something crouched down on it’s knees waiting to pounce. So i banged on the front door and those bastards took 5 ever to open it. All the while i was yelling to that monster that i knew it was there. (Had a dream of it too in that dream. Apparently it was hook man/freddy combined). So i saved that guy from dying. Next day i expect it to repeat but it doesn’t. I’m on the way to school and a coworker gives me a lift. I’m in the backseat. There’s junk on the floor and he tells me to put this thing in the box but while i was doing that my feet got stuck and when i freed them the freddy type gloves slide out. I was freaking out but tried not to show it. HE was the killer. So i played it cool and when he parked i took off slowly and calmly. My sister and i were now on campus. I told her about him and we were looking for Cole so he could arrest him. Then Cole finally showed and and i was saying this Prue (i think?) Orbed in with Leo except his face was all purple and (he wasn’t Brian Krause). So i asked him what happened and apparently a pie exploded when he and piper got into a fight. There is still so much i don’t recall b/c it’s the nature of dreams i suppose. I just remember that it was way longer, more creeper stuff happened, and that it’s now a vague memory. 

I am so stoked for San Japan. I haven’t been to a 3-day con in a while b/c poor. I still don’t have money but i already decided that it’s gonna happen. Already purchased my ticket. Money is being transferred to my account, i have money in my paypal, and my friend owes me some too. Everything’s set in motion. Now to cosplay and the rest of preparations.
The only reason i didn’t get into 2 crashes today is b/c i’m awesome. Stupid white girl talking on a phone comes speeding out of Pop Eye’s at the back of HEB. I had just turned onto the back street they put their from the access road. I had right of way and this idiot nearly T-bones me. If i had sped up like i normally do then that’s exactly what would’ve happened. I honked at her and the lady in the drive thru waiting for her food totally saw everything. Dumb white girl just pretends nothing happened. What a retard, seriously. Should’ve just let my car run into hers to show her the error of her ways. Then when i’m leaving HEB this fat bastard swerves into my lane while i’m nearly halfway passing him. I had to honk at that douchebag so i wouldn’t get squished. And what was that faggot doing? Drinking soda. Seriously, if you can’t multitask while driving then don’t. How hard is that? I’m awesome and can focus on the road while doing other things. That’s why i have not been in accidents nor do i cause them.